The day that our first born was born...
Two weeks before the "due" date, here I was coming to the hospital to have our son. My nerves were all over that place. One minute I would be crying and the minute laughter. So many loved ones came in and out to fill my room with love and joy, but who knew in a few hours that my life would be changed.
No one can explain the feelings that you go through when you have a baby, no one could have explained to ME what I had gone through, not even I can explain it to others.
Well, after hours of waiting my husband and I were rushed off to the OR for a C-section. You talk about being afraid, I was truly scared, but had to be so strong, for my husband and my new baby coming. All I remember at this point was waking up in a room and being super sick, but there was no baby nor husband in sight. Little did I know that my Life was drifting away.
The following morning I was told that I had internal bleeding and had lost a lot of blood. I came into the hospital with a blood level of 12 and the day after I was at 5.3. I didn't know what my baby looked like, I hadn't even seen him yet. My husband came into the room with my new baby boy and this would be the first time I was able to hold him.
Since I wasn't allowed to get in & out of bed, I wasn't able to bond with my baby Shane. Could you imagine, not being able to pick up your new baby and have to have someone there with you at all times when you held them??
I was becoming so resentful of my husband. He would walk right in my room with Shane and take care of him. That wasn't his "job" ...that was mine. I was the mother, not him. He would ask to hold Shane and I would a lot of times refuse because I didn't know if I would be around the next day.
However, I had to be strong. I couldn't let my guard down. So many people came to see me and I couldn't tell them or even hint that I was scared. I had so many praying with me and God laid me on so many hearts to pray for me.
Two days after the birth, I had to have a blood transfusion. What a "nice" birthday present. I turned 29 on this "blessed" day. At this point my blood levels dropped to 3.5, but little did anyone know that I began to bleed inside again. The following morning, I was told that I might be able to go home on labor day, but I had to move around on my own and do "other" things on my own.
As I was in the bathroom, I Felt this sharp pain shoot up to my throat. I remember the Dr. telling me that if I feel this pain, then I am bleeding again. The nurse was agitated with me that day, I don't know, maybe b/c I needed more help than other patients, but she refused to get my Dr. or call her. So I started screaming into the call button and the head nurse rushed right in and saw that my mouth was blue and purple.
I had to do everything I could to be strong...no one was in the room with me, everyone just left, even my husband, who went to get dinner.
My best friends mom was told to come visit me and through all the chaos I saw her walk into my room and hold my hand until Jason could get there. God knew I needed to be comforted...I was really really scared.
I had to make so many choices about my body before I was rushed off to the OR again. Choices that would and could change my life forever. I had to do the best thing for me, Jason and Shane.
I woke up, that night and found myself in ICU. The following day I was told that since it was labor weekend, all the O.R. Dr.s and my Dr. were supposed to be out of town, but every single person was there that "needed" to be there. I was also told that my baby was no longer to stay in the hospital..that was the hardest moment of my life. My heart was torn this day...I knew that I had to get stronger and get home to a mommy to Shane.
Everyday, until I got home my grandma, twin, best friend, my best friend's mom an my mom came everyday to comfort me and be "my" strength. I kept asking my mom is it hard that "your" baby's life was drifting away so fast...??? She said...that my life was in God's hands and she knew, as well as I, that everything was going to be ok...and it was. I went home seven days later. When I came home, I never put my Shane down...and I still don't...
God laid this verse on my heart during this time:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose....No, in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else on all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:28 and 37-39
0 comments:
Post a Comment