Today, I am reminded of how my life has changed since I said..."I do"
Two children in 3 years of our marriage...a new home...new financial woes...new life of staying home with my children...new issues that came into our marriage for the FIRST time
When, I was pregnant with my daughter I was fired from my job..for the FIRST time EVER!!! I have never been without a job...and when this happened I was sad, scared, angry and relieved all in one moment...
My husband and I just signed all the papers to our new home a few weeks prior to me losing my job...the economy was failing...I was without a job and my husband work was slowing down.
I kept asking myself, why is this all happening???
I told myself that I would NEVER be a stay-at-mom...I wanted to work and help provide for my family, just in case my husband gets injured, the economy fails, or if I no longer have a husband.
Honestly, I had NO respect for moms who chose to stay home..."they were too lazy to work"..."all they do is have others watch their children while they enjoy going to the gym, get manis/pedis and so much more"...well I am now one...I know how hard it is to raise your children...often times...ALONE!!!
It has taken me a LONG to accept the fact that I will NOT be working...especially after all my failed attempts to find a job and all the many failed interviews..
It has taken me a LONG time to let God control my life, to trust HIM and to bring me out of my "comfort zone."
It took me a LONG time to RESPECT myself...I feel so lost without working...I feel so lost in my "new" job...I have no idea how to be a mom
...it scares me
...somedays I HATE IT, but I am learning to EMBRACE it...
I NOW have to rely on my husband to "support" our family...I have to "trust" God...
For the first time, God has shown me that HE is in control of my "new" life and when the time comes...He will open up the doors...
...I am so scared of letting go
Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all of your HEART and don't lean on your own understanding"
3 comments:
Jennifer and I have been married for ten years, eight of those years she's been a stay-at-home Mom. For all ten years of our marriage, I have never worked for a company that has not laid people off and/or gone bankrupt.
Being the sole "bread winner" is a stressful role, but God provided for my family every time I almost got laid off or when a company I worked for went bankrupt.
Be faithful to God and your marriage and God will always provide. No matter how screwed up things look in your eyes. In God's eyes (and in His will) you'll be okay.
Great start on your new blog, by the way.
I love it Anna.... all of it. From my heart to yours. <3
~m.
@Melissa- thank you!!!
@Matt- thank you for sharing and being such a good friend...I hope and pray that I will continue to trust in God through these tough times...it's so hard
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