Due to having a baby and starting a new job, it has been a LONG time since I last posted. My heart is full and want to share with all of you what God has been teaching me...
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Lately, my baby has been wanting me to sing to her every night when she goes to bed...which I love! The ONE song that puts her right to sleep is "I Surrender All" by Judson W. Van De Venter. As, I sing these beautifully written words, I am reminded that I really need to surrender ALL to HIM.
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A few years back, the notion of surrendering all to HIM was so hard to grasp.
In 2008, the first week that I came back to work after being off for 6 months of maternity leave, I found out that I was having another baby. I cried for days...
...{this couldn't be happening to me, ESPECIALLY since I was to wait 2 years to have another and we just had a baby 5 months prior}
Around this same time, my husband and I decided that we needed a bigger home. After a LONG wait, we purchased our second home. Soon after we signed the papers, I was let go at work and my husband's work slowed way down.
{I was scared...}
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Right after our daughter {our second} was born, I fell into a deep depression. I NEVER blamed it on Post-Partum...I really didn't know what was going on with me. I couldn't explain how and why I was feeling this way. It was a horrible feeling and just wanted to be alone.
I couldn't go back to work or find a job, couldn't fit into ANY of my clothes, couldn't let my husband or children touch me, and couldn't get myself to get out of my house. I DEFINITELY didn't want to see ANY of my friends. I barely went to church and had completely "shut-down."
{I felt alone...}
My marriage was falling apart...
My life was falling apart...
And was thinking about ways to get out of my misery...
The PROBLEM...I didn't SURRENDER ALL to HIM.
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God was waiting right there for me to "GIVE it ALL" to Him.
Why couldn't I just surrender my life over to HIM?...
Why was it so hard?...
{I didn't know how...}
I couldn't figure out why my life was spinning out of control.
Just recently, after having my third child, is when I found out why I was feeling this way. This DOESN'T EXCUSE the fact that I could've let God "take control of my life," but it made so much more sense why I was depressed.
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Everytime I sing this song, God is reminding me that I need to "SURRENDER" ALL.
No matter what we are going through, God wants us to daily give to HIM and SURRENDER ALL.
If I only done this a few years back...I wouldn't have lost soo much of my daughter's first year.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
I Peter 5:6-7
